The NYTimes came Saturday to complete interviews and take pix for a possible article on the disappearing 2nd Ave facade, from the Marsbar on down to our building. The photographer was very thorough and spent quite a bit of time in our building, and almost 2 hours in my place. I was grateful for the photo session even if the pictures don't make it into the paper, as I have very few if any, images of myself in my house. I have lived the 20 years here alone for the most part, don't throw parties, and no longer inclined toward to self portraiture, so there you have it.
As the photographer clicked away I experienced an inkling of what models must feel. It is not so easy being yourself (or not), on request. I was also reminded of the day long ago when I sold my backyard horse Justy. I was 18, and heading on out. We realized after the sale but before she was trailered away that we had no pictures of she and I together, maybe one, since we got her when I was 12. We got out the camera and started snapping. I sat on my horse, no-longer-mine, bareback, no tack, in my street, or rather, countryroad clothes, and then we tried some hugging from the ground shots. A distracted half-smile was the best I could do. It was a weird time. I miss that horse terribly now (sobbing, here, for real), but back then I was eager to get on with things and I couldn't be taking a horse to the big city. The few pictures from that day that remain (the best ones were all in luggage stolen from a friend's truck a few years later during a pickup from EWR) are not the proud and ecstatic girl-and-horse-fully-turned-out-maybe-with-ribbon equestrian portrait I would like to possess now. They are pictures of an attempted moment already gone by, and out-takes at that.
So Saturday I finally got my house pictures; not some portrait of artist-working-in-full-studio or laughing around a table, but sitting alone in a space (both head- and literal) half packed up and half torn apart, distracted and somewhat uncomfortable, possibly already out of here.
But away with all the sentiment...I can't wait to see them!